Lone Strawberry (enigmatism) wrote,
Lone Strawberry

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Tuesday, April 8, 2003

Tuesday was the most disappointing day.

The day started out ok, but went downhill fast.

I took Jay to work, then came home and I checked out my email while I decided what I needed to do for the day. I decided to make this an exercise/play day in the park. It was to be the first day I have had to myself in a long time. Casey was sleeping in, Jay was at work, Mike was at school, and I had until 5:30 when Casey had a meeting at work. I could go get some sun (need that Seratonin!) and play and exercise in the park, then do some other things, etc. At about 1:30 I was just about to get in the shower so that I could shave, and clean up (I was sticky and felt nasty) before I went out. The phone rings and it's McDonands. I tell them that Casey is asleep, and we almost hang up, but unfortunately Casey hears me and yells that he is now awake. He gets on the phone and they want him to come in, and he commits to being there in about 40 minutes. He does not ask me if it's ok, or if he has a ride, or anything either during or after the call. So, there go my plans. I cannot take a shower (he announces he is getting in the shower) I cannot make it to the sun while its still high enough to get a tan, I have to waste more than an hour of my time waiting for him and driving him. Aargh.

Ok, well I drop off Casey at work, and then head over to the park. There are people everywhere (when usually there is no one there), so I feel self conscious and have trouble doing what I want. the sun is too low to get much of a tan, but I try anyway. I wander around, play with my phone, almost nap, get woken up by a strange couple, wander some more, explore the remains of an old "still" (I think). Finally it starts to get a little cold to lie on the grass, so I go to the storage to look for stuff and sort. Nothing is really being absorbing or relaxing, it all feels like work. I play around there until its time to go get Casey from work at 7pm. Mike is going to get Jay, so I don't have to wait for him and I can get home and make a sandwich for him (I need something to do to relax.) I get home and start making the sandwich, but Casey is just constantly yakking about this that and the other shit from work, and he expects that I am hanging on every word. I actually burn two batches of buns before its all done, and I'm not satisfied with my bun choice at the last minute, but right before Jay arrives, the sandwich is on his desk and all is hopefully well. I clean up the kitchen and then decide that I will take that long awaited shower as soon as the boys leave (so I won't get in their way.)

Well, literally one minute before the boys leave and I head to the shower, Casey announces that he is going to take a shower. Aarrggghhh!@#$% I am so disappointed and angry that I just don't know what to say and I just leave. I go off and do I don't know what including drinking a couple of Sparks and other assorted things that waste a lot of time and finally get calmed down again. By this time it's almost 1am in the morning, and Adam calls by cell phone and leaves a message inviting me to go to the apartment, where gin and mix awaits.

I go home and check it out, but as I walk in the door, Casey glares at me and twenty questions is about to break out. There are just too many people there including Peter, and I can't see being able to take it. I just leave right away.

I leave Adam a message apologizing for not coming to drink, but that I just need quiet. I hope he doen't take it wrong. I did say it wasn't their fault. Oh well.

I just drive around for a while, buy another Sparks and go over to ---- and park. I just sit and nap or steam or stew. I decide that 4am is my next attempt at a shower, as everyone should be asleep and/or tucked in bed by then and I won't bother anyone and no one will get in my way.

I wake a little before 4 and start driving home. At 4am exactly, Casey calls me and asks if Able can spend the night. I just flip out and stop thinking, because everything is just working against me. I say "well I just won't come home then." and hang up.

Because I am close, I go home to grab some clothes and then I will leave and spend the night in the car, and take a shower tomorrow morning at Joe's before my appointment. When I get inside, Adam and Amber are asleep on the living room floor, and Casey and Able are in our room. where I was supposed to sleep anyway, I don't know. I just end up going off on Casey for I don't know what, it really isn't his fault, but I am very mad and hurt and disappointed and tired and cranky and whatever. I probably don't make much sense, but I tell Casey that this is the third time today that I just wanted to take a shower, but couldn't.

I get my clothes and leave. I spend the night in the car, and then go over to Joe's in the morning to take a shower. Luckily the shower happens before the water is shut off. Yes, Joe has no water.

FLASH!!!!!! The US military has captured Sadam Hussein's bunker by bomb over the last night and the news is all over the tube, in decadant repitition. I don't understand how so many supposedly intelligent people can say so little in so much time.

My appointment is cancelled this morning, and that just is the icing on the cake. I am already at the end of my rope.
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